Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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