yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize