my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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