he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize