Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
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STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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