I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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