glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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