Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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