Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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