No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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