he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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