we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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