This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize