I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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