I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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