My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize