A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
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im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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