I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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