if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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