just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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