Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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