dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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