someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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