His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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