Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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