Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Couch. On fire.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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