With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
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he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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