I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize