I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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