God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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