and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
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I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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