woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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