I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
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I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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