"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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