i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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