im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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