So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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