Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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