who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize