im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize