Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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