The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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