"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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