He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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