come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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