then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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