apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The air taste purple.
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