At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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