4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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