You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Less talking, more tequila
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize